I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
