Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
