Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
