I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
