I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
