he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
