He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
