Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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