You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
