I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
