no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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