He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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