I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
