This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
