Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
