i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
