Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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