he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
