I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
