belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
