dude i'm inner monologue high
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
