Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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