It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
