can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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