I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
