...so i touched it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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