He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
