just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
