He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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