I must be too annoying 4 u.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
