Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
