I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
