Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
