I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
