weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize