Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
