She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize