i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize