it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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