Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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