Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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