My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
