so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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