just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
