please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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