sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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