If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
