i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize