she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
