can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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