i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
