Im at strip club and am horny
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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