You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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