I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
