Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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