just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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