Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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