I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize