she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
