I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
