are you so shy because you have an std?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We just shotgunned beers for America
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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