you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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