im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
