We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
