there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
