She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
