Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
