This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
