All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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